Eva Gutowski Knows She Deserves This: Issue 8 Cover
photography PAIGE POWELL, styling GATO, makeup BRITTANY WHITFIELD,
hair GENIYA KOZLOVA, set design MAISIE SATTLER, gaffer JOHN PETERS,
production MOLLY ROSE APPLE, photo assistant ANA MENDOZA,
retouching DANIELE IACHELLA, bts photo JACQUES MOREL,
production assistant ADNAN CHAUGULE
studio WTF DUMBO, beauty exclusive REFY BEAUTY
Eva Gutowski knows she deserves this. In an industry that feels suddenly inundated with new faces trying their hand at the turntable or making beats, Eva sets herself apart as a music producer and DJ. As an OC-native, she’s used to doing things a little differently and embracing her authenticity while some criticize her for it; her secret is that she likes the haters. This intuitive artist developed her unique sound over the years of sonic exposure to a range of music, from her parents’ intense 90s rap to screamo with her first love of ‘scene’ and everything in between. She’s done it all, from creating unique intros for her YouTube channel ‘My Life As Eva’ to linking up with Skrillex, her AURAL journey has taken her to places imagined in vivid dreams. MERDE Founder + Editor in Charge, Molly Apple, zoomed with Eva as she hit the Swiss slopes to talk more about her deep love of music and its roots in her history as a dancer, her style evolution, and why she always plays movies while she’s making music.
MERDE: The theme of our issue is AURAL, relating to the ear and the sense of hearing. What is your first memory of sound, and how has that memory played a role in becoming a music producer and DJ?
Eva: My journey with sound has been all over the place. Growing up, my first references to sound were being in the back of my parents car, they would play the most intense 90s rap, like 2Pac, Biggie, all of that. Even though I still love that music, and listen to it all the time, I don’t feel that I reference a lot in the music I personally make. I’ve been dancing since I was 3 years old. I was in the studio taking seven classes every single week. I owe a lot of my musical ear to dance because I was put into so many situations where I didn’t decide what music I’d have to move to. The teacher chose the music, and whether you hate it or love it, you had to make it work, and you have to fall in love with it in some sense because if you’re dancing to it, you have to believe in the music. There would be many times I came to class and a super abstract dance teacher would be the instructor when all I wanted to dance to was Britney Spears. They’d say ‘you’re going to listen to Tom York and we’re going to do this intense floor work session with just sounds, just clicks.’ I hated it at first but then I was like ‘you know what, let me get into it,’ and now I have such an appreciation for all kinds of music because I grew up with this dancer mindset to find beauty in every single piece of sound anyone’s ever put out. Also, I think dance taught me a lot about how music works, the timing and even the mathematics behind music, how to hit things at the right timing, which really comes in handy now when I'm DJing and producing in general. I danced for over 18 years, so that was 18 years of listening to all sorts of music and still to this day most of my musical references in my own music came from a dance teacher who put me on to these cool artists.
MERDE: I love that link between sound and movement, did dance lead you to your YouTube channel ‘My Life As Eva?’
Eva: Growing up, my dad worked for a computer software company, so I became obsessed with software: from video games to computer games to editing and music softwares. Some of my earliest toys were software on his computer, and I started learning video editing on Avid when I was twelve. I was really computer savvy, I was coding when I was twelve too, that’s a whole separate conversation - I’d be hacking into children’s computer games. I was always on the computer, opening up random softwares and trying to figure them out and using programs made for adults when I was so young. I loved being creative with filming and editing - I really wanted to make movies and be a part of the creative process whether it was music, fashion, or film, I knew I was going to be involved in that when I was older. I started making YouTube videos around that age - people who have followed my channel for a long time know those memories because I’ve done more recent videos where I expose my now old private account, so they’ve seen all the crusty videos I made when I was in junior high. When I got to high school, I was making stupid videos on YouTube but I wasn’t a ‘YouTuber’, I was just messing around. It wasn’t until I was a freshman in college that I started ‘My Life As Eva.’ It’s actually the perfect Youtube name because it’s really my life and it’s a lifestyle channel, it was never meant to be a YouTube channel at first, just the random account name I chose when I signed up to watch videos. All throughout college I knew I wanted to learn to produce music, but YouTube blew up in such a way that I didn’t expect and between balancing college and being a YouTuber full time and working at a pizza shop, there was no way I could add that to my plate too at that time.
MERDE: When you were a kid did you experiment with music production software too?
Eva: I used GarageBand and Logic when I was kid, but never downloaded an crazy expensive software, I just played around. What I would do before I learned actual software was make these elaborate one and a half minute mixes before every video started on my YouTube channel. Now every one of these videos are copy written so my channel is literally not monetized. I knew that was going to happen, but I just loved music so much and I didn’t have an outlet to DJ or make my own songs at the time. I wanted to show people that watched my channel the music that I love, and expose them to things I think are cool and I did that in the form of my intro.’ Looking back now, it was cool because I think I share so many ties to memories to songs based on the video I put them in, and I think it’s the same for the people who watch my channel, a song can trigger a connection to a past episode like my old ‘back to school’ videos. I was putting dubstep and pretty hard music for young people watching my channel!
MERDE: When did you make the first mix in an intro?
Eva: Probably 2013, maybe earlier. There are so many songs that are key moments in the ‘My Life As Eva’ universe. Follow up for key songs I did very much a coming of age video, it was a travel blog to the Bahamas and the song I used was Borderline with a Vanic remix, it’s still up on my channel. That video blew up and caused so much controversy just because I was in a bikini on a beach. People were like ‘oh my gosh Eva’s being such a whore, this is not family friendly.’ It’s cool because now on TikTok, that’s a video people reference as my ‘awakening that transformed me from a kid into an adult.’ I was like, I’m ready to be hot now. I think that video inspired so many girls to think the same, ‘we’re no longer twelve, we’re fourteen and we’re outside.’
MERDE: I love that attitude towards the haters. How do you interact with your fans, and do you respond to the trolls?
Eva: I feel like I have a really amazing headspace with it all. All the comments that have ever been like ‘oh my gosh this an outrage’ I really don’t pay attention to. I wholeheartedly block it out because the cool thing is, I really know myself, and I know what I do behind the scenes of my YouTube channel. I know my channel has been like a role model for people of many ages, literally I have people from five to forty-five years old come up to me that say they watch it: parents, teenagers, girls in their twenties, guys - it’s a spectrum. My channel has always been an accurate representation of me growing up, on camera. I feel it’s honest, and as long as I love myself behind the scenes and know it’s authentic, no hate comment is going to bother me. Especially when someone says a comment about showing too much skin. I grew up in Southern California by the beach with beach culture where being in a bikini and going to the grocery store barefoot was normal. I understand that’s not everyone’s reality, so when they see something out of the ordinary they’re like ‘what the heck’ but that’s fine. For me, I know I’m not doing some crazy bad thing, I’m just living my life and I think there’s more people that understand that concept than people who hate on it. I respect everyone’s opinion, but it’s not going to change the way I live my life. I feel like if someone caught me on camera behind the scenes, they wouldn’t catch anything that would be misrepresenting the ‘My Life As Eva’ community. I don’t do drugs, I don’t get blackout drunk. I’m all for people having fun too, I love to push the boundaries a little bit, I want people to go out there and live their lives and wear that bikini, not giving a fuck and take pictures on the beach showing that ass, I’m all for it. It’s kind of fun to make the haters a little mad.
MERDE: What was the catalyst to make that shift from making mixes as the intros to your videos to learning music production, working with Skrillex, and becoming a DJ?
Eva: Growing up, I always had idols in music but they were always so far away, I never thought they would know who I was or would want to work with me. But when I started the process of wanting to become a DJ, I wanted to be really respectful of the process. I know there’s a lot of talk that influencers are infiltrating every community with no hard work associated with it. If someone wants to be a singer, the next day they have a hit single, if someone wants to be an actor, the next day they’re in the biggest movie. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Leo, and respect and loyalty are the number one things I crave in life, maybe it’s astrology, maybe it’s just me, but I wanted to respect the process even though it took many more years. It would have been so easy to pay someone to make my music for me, but it wasn’t what I was trying to do, because I really care about production and the process of it. To skip all the challenges would have defeated my purpose. I invested so many years learning music production, putting in the hours, and making friends with real producers who so graciously taught me. I met Skrillex because I mixed one of his songs and tagged him on Instagram. He miraculously saw it and DM’d me ‘this is so sick’ and followed me back. I was like ‘what the fuck, this is my number one idol in music,’ I’ve loved him since I was fourteen, and we just developed a relationship over the years that started on Instagram. We’d have calls and screen share our computers, sharing the music we were working on together. He gave me so much input down to what artist name I should pick, gave really good notes on my first songs, and even showed me projects he was working on with huge artists. Knowing he trusted me and let me in on that process, and respected the notes I gave him, it was really really cool. I was, respectfully, freaking the fuck out. I’d looked up to him for so long, and I told him immediately, I was like ‘let’s just get this out of the way, I’m a fan.’ Looking back, I’m really glad I spent those years working on music on my own, before making friendships in the industry. Having that respect means a lot to me, actually putting the work into it, it’s a strong position to have in this industry, especially as a female artist. People can often look at female artists and think ‘you’re just pretty, that’s why you got this, you’re just hot, that’s why people listen to your music.’ It’s really cool to be in a room with major artists and have their respect, and I haven’t met a single artist in this industry that has disrespected me, and that’s amazing. I’ve had a really positive experience.
MERDE: How did you find your artist name “Marisol”?
Eva: I couldn’t decide for so long, because I never could think of a ‘cool’ name that resonated with me. It felt weird to tell my friends ‘now I’m going by this random artist name.’ Marisol is my middle name, and I didn’t use it that much, but I wanted something that felt personal to me, so that’s why I chose ‘Marisol’ which means the sea and the sun. It was my grandpa’s idea. I’m part Puerto Rican, so that’s where it came from. My parents had a name for me if I were a boy, I would have been Juan Colin. Eva Marisol is a cute name, can you imagine if my name was Juan Colin, my life would have been so different.
MERDE: And if you were a man! What is your heritage background?
Eva: I’m Black, Puerto Rican, and Polish-Irish. It’s a lot going on.
MERDE: Do you think your music style influences your fashion style? Or vice versa?
Eva: That’s a hard question to answer because they’re so many layers to it - I’ve been finding my fashion style my whole life. I grew up thrifting and was always shopping at Goodwill because it was all my family could afford, but I loved it because I could hunt for cool pieces that no one else in school had. At the time I was reading a ton of books, I was obsessed with Gossip Girl and the Clique Series. Those books would describe the girls' outfits in such detail, they’d take up a whole page to be like ‘she was wearing wool and red silky pants.’ I was visualizing all these outfits, and I was like ‘this is how it-girls dress.’ While everyone was shopping at Hollister or Abercrombie, I was digging at Goodwill for the wools and silks that were described in these books. I love that, because now still to this day it influences my style because I care a lot about the fabrics and quality of clothes. Even if it costs only $10 at Goodwill, someone might not know what they have, and that could be the most amazing piece that’s in my closet for years to come. I love vintage shopping and thrifting, it’s one of my favorite things to do, especially when I travel to different countries. When I finally started making money, I went through a ‘cheugy’ ‘Maxxinista’ era where I was like ‘i can go to marshalls and buy everything.’ You can really see that in old pictures, I was blowing up the TJMaxx with my Maxxinista credit card. When I “came of age” was the ‘indie sleeze’ era, but I was too young to actually do cool stuff during the indie sleeze era. I couldn’t go to the club, I was in junior high, but I was a ‘scene’ kid, I don’t know if you know that.
MERDE: What did the scene kid aesthetic mean to you?
Eva: It means everything to me. Those were the years I really discovered myself. When I was in eighth grade I had a boyfriend that was gay. I didn’t really understand that he was really just my gay best friend. I was madly in love with this man and he was fully gay. He would break up with me every two months, and I would bawl my eyes out because I was in love with him. He was my first love. He said ‘It’s not you it’s me, you’ll find out someday,” and I was like ‘What the fuck does that mean? I love you!’ But he had the best music taste, and he was ‘scene’ so he brought me into that world and showed me all these iconic artists from that time. Mind you, we’re like thirteen and listening to Crystal Castles and cutting our hair all frickin’ crazy, and going to Hot Topic. That style is not necessarily me to this day, but I reference a lot of ‘scene’ in my style now. It’s kind of full circle, and I still listen to all of that music that I discovered at that time. People joke that ‘scene’ is just a phase but it’s not a phase, I’m ‘scene’ forever. You might not be able to see it in my hair today, but it’s within me. It doesn’t leave you.
MERDE: Do you see ‘scene’ in your music too?
Eva: Oh yeah, still to this day. The artists I’m about to reference aren’t necessarily ‘scene’ but they’re from that era - Crystal Castles, The XX, The Knife, all those artists are heavily referenced in my music. Grimes back in 2012, M.I.A, I would love to work with these artists, and create sounds similar to theirs. Now I’ve been listening to a ton of underground Brazilian techno, and ‘ghetto tech,’ Berlin techno, and a lot of UK garage and grime. There’s been a resurgence of what happened in the electro scene from 2008-2012. I’m really excited about music right now because it reminds me a lot of how I felt listening to music when I was thirteen discovering the harder underground electro sound. That’s my goal with music in the next two years, to really hone into that sound that I’ve loved so much since I was a kid – and fashion. I want to live in it again and experience it as an adult, because last time I couldn’t, I was too young.
MERDE: This resurgence you spoke of is reflective of your whole ‘coming of age’ channel and now DJ persona as Marisol. What are more of your musical aspirations? Do you want to do Coachella, a Boiler Room set?
Eva: It would be amazing to do a Boiler Room set. I got to do an unofficial set when I played the Fred Again.. afters it was a Boiler Room setup. The stage was in the middle of everyone, and it was the coolest feeling to have a 360 degree view of the people around you. It’s so much better than being up on a big stage, I’d much rather be in the middle of a crowd. When I started DJing I never wanted to be the center of attention, my goal was never to be the DJ that was like ‘everybody fuckin’ jump, get your hands up!’ I just wanted to wear a dad hat and be in the corner. That’s why I love Boiler Room sets, it’s not about ‘everyone look at me, I’m up here DJing, it’s about everyone just enjoying themselves and partying together. I definitely want to play Coachella too. I used to tell people when I first started producing, ‘I’m not getting married or having kids until I play Coachella, and I will play Coachella.’ I’ve been manifesting it for at least seven years. I really want to play more in Europe, and play sets in cool locations, like maybe on a beach in Hawaii or in Switzerland on the Mountain, which I might actually be filming tomorrow’ Just popping up sets in cool locations, maybe Norway. I especially want to play more techno, because I feel like that’s the most fun for me.
MERDE: When you’re not playing a set for a branded event, what do you like to wear when you DJ?
Eva: My go-to DJ outfit is flat shoes - I cannot DJ in heels, even boots with heels. Maybe it’s a superstitious thing because one time I DJ’d in platforms and I feel like I didn’t do a great job, even though people said they loved it, I was like ‘shut up you’re lying,’ so I don’t wear any shoes with heels anymore. I always wear some sort of ‘man t-shirt’ just an oversized shirt on the top. I feel really comfy in an oversized shirt or hoodie. I love a good ‘dad hat,’ or my hair has to be up in a ponytail. I can’t have my hair in my face when I DJ. I wear lots of rings, because when you touch the decks it’s fun to have rings on. It makes it more personal to you. It doesn’t matter what’s on the bottom, pants or shorts, as long as I’m comfy on the top!
MERDE: Describe your ideal environment for creating music – do you like to be cozy, do you like to get hyped up, what's your vibe for creating?
Eva: I like to work at home. I feel like when I work in a studio I’m super anxious that people can hear what I’m working on even if the whole room is soundproof. I don’t know why, it’s something I need to get over. At home, ideally with a glass of red wine or rosé, maybe a spicy marg. I have my whole studio built out in my office. I like when the sun is still out a little bit. What I do when I produce is I always have my big iMac behind playing movies for cinematic references. It helps so much when I play movies or short films or music videos that I can catch the vibe of creatively. When I was a kid I wanted my job to be putting songs into shows and movies, so part of this method comes from that I think.
