Aurore: The New Sounds of Pleasure

photo Andi Alexander

Words by Blythe Tokar  

Sex can, and should, be good for everyone - no shame attached. This is the foundational belief of Carly Pifer, the Founder and Editor-In-Charge of AURORE, a digital space for real erotica, written by and for women and LGBTQ+ folks. Although we met over Zoom, I was immediately soothed by the sight of a cozy, sun-drenched room and an equally cozy pup snoozing on the clean, white bed. Maybe not the scene you’d imagine for an erotic writer, but Carly is anything but what you’d expect. No stranger to challenging norms and bringing her unique perspective to outdated spaces, she fully empowers people to express their sexuality and embrace new ideas through writing. Her inviting energy inspired our conversation as we openly discussed the impacts of sensorial intimacy, horny sounds as instructional tools, and how her work is helping to steer people towards more human-based, person centric narratives of sex, storytelling, and self expression. 

Blythe: How did AURORE come to be?

Carly: I started AURORE at a very dark moment in my life where I had just lost all the clients that I had at the same time, which was very bad timing as I had also just gotten dumped. So I had this idea to create a website of some kind, my own thing that was fueled by my past writing and bad experiences with editors. I wanted to have my own space to do it differently, the way that I wish things had been done better for me. A year after launching the site, the pandemic hit and I started hosting online writing workshops. Those were really, really special because those were early days of people wanting to come together in any way possible. Of course, nothing really compares to engaging in person, but the ability to gather people from all over the world is such a beautiful part of the internet and those moments of connection remind me why I do this. 
B: It sounds like community has always been at the forefront of what you do. 

C: It really has. It’s always been about the "us" and coming together under this guise and banner of AURORE. I named the site after George Sands, the female author who wrote under the pen name of a man in order to get the respect she would not have gotten by herself in those times. I love the idea that there's this reclaiming of her real name, what she really went by to friends and lovers, but still acknowledging that even 200 years later, we still have to use pen names for this type of writing so as not to damage our reputation. We've come so far and yet, we have not.

B: So far still to go. When you first started writing, was it always erotica?

C: As a young person, writing was always my manner of expression. I first moved to New York to study literature in college and wanted to be a writer but I don't think I knew what that meant exactly. I ended up working at a website called Nerve, an early sex positive culture site and did a series called ‘Talking to Strangers’, where I took my recorder to a bar and asked random people about their sex lives. I’ve always been comfortable talking about sex, and also, perhaps some people would say, quite direct or forward in asking questions that others may find invasive. I like to dig into people and catch them off guard, surprise them, and ask them questions that they may not have been asked or thought about before. I think that it shows there's always been such a need and desire to talk about sex, to share our experiences, and to connect on those findings.
B: Have you seen the creators on TikTok who go around asking people questions on the street? You're like the original! I feel like a lot of people have shame ingrained in them around talking about sex but just sex in general too. Do you see your readings and events like this as exposure therapy or a vessel to break free of the stigma?

C: I definitely do. Reading erotica is so interesting, and when it's your own erotica, it's just wow. What a way to expose yourself totally. There are definitely layers of stigma and shame with sex, but I think with any kind of performance, you're just hyper aware of yourself, similarly to how you can feel hyper aware of yourself during intimate encounters. You're thinking too much about how you look or sound or smell or taste, and not what you're feeling and that can really take away from your pleasure. Performance and sex can be a good thing, because moaning and being loud and enjoying it, even with exaggeration, can actually allow you to enjoy it more and get a little bit more out of your head.

B: I never thought about how engaging in sounds of it can heighten the experience. The theme of our issue is AURAL, relating to the ear and the sense of hearing; do you see sound as an integral part of your work and sex in general?

C: Definitely! When you're having sex, I think the sounds that you make are notes to your partner. You can talk, encourage, and give feedback verbally, but giving sounds, moans, groans, etc., are also really important, because you can learn a lot from those noises and use your own sounds to let them know what you're enjoying as well. I think it’s interesting for people to think about if they're quieter when they're by themselves versus with a partner and then try when they're by themselves to really lean into those performance moans to let go in that way and seeing if it makes the experience fuller and more pleasurable.

B: It seems like sensory work is such a big part of what you do, could you speak more to how you bring that into your workshops?

C: The workshops are partly designed to help people really get into their fantasies, their desires, their memories, but they're also, admittedly, to guide people to write the type of erotica that I enjoy reading, which is highly sensory. An exercise that I do in every workshop is a visualization where I ask people to put themselves in their bodies during their last pleasurable moment or their best sex memory. I want them to look around that space, feel the textures, describe where they are, and really paint that visually. Another exercise challenges participants to describe the colors of their lover's body and their own including genitals and what comes out of genitals, right? So thinking about new ways of approaching sex and bodies; how can you drop in and connect with different senses? I think it makes for so much richer and much more enjoyable writing. I want to be a fly on the wall, because that's essentially what you are in visual porn, but you're only getting the view that the director is giving you - with writing, you're able to immerse yourself in the world and let go. To me, pleasure and that type of abandon are really, really related. 

B: Why do you think it's so important to recontextualize porn in this way? Can you share some of your thoughts on how society at large views sex and porn?

C: I think a lot of people have probably experienced this, but I encountered porn at a young age before I had sex, before I had explored my own genitals or and other's enough to even be able to parse what I was looking at *laughs*. What lacks for me in visual pornography is the storyline and the investment of the characters, but also the way that women's bodies are portrayed and the very singular body type shown. How that instructed what was “normal" and what was "sexy" at a young age for me I feel was damaging. I think that there's an obvious movement towards porn, whether it's audio, written, or visual, that is more aligned with women's viewpoints and I think that's really exciting, because we deserve to have these types of pleasurable media to enjoy. 

B: Is that what drove you to want to highlight feminist and queer writers in AURORE?

by Lindsay Wynn

C: Absolutely yes, it’s always been my mission to spotlight the stories that need to be out in the world in order to change outdated ideas. In the beginning of AURORE, I received a submission from a trans man about their first time and it actually says, 'the only positive experience I've read about a trans person's first time was, in fact, the one that I am writing now, my own.' Being able to create a platform and provide alternative scripts to what people believe sex should be like is really valuable. The flip side is that because I have women and queer people writing about exactly what gets them off, it becomes a very useful and helpful educational tool for men who may not know what a woman or queer person finds pleasurable - I think men can be a little more challenged in finding that. Like, this isn’t for you but it is. Accidentally, it is for you *laughs*.

B: Yes, especially considering more female and queer driven stories are definitely still seen as niche. Have you received any backlash to your work?

C: Luckily, because of the way that I've always been, I don't experience a lot of judgment or backlash in my personal life for what I do for work. Although, there are definitely times when people ask what I do, and when I tell them, there is a feeling of judgment or assumption. One of the biggest things that people assume if you work in a sex positive job is that you want to have sex with them. I would like to say for the record, that is not the case *laughs*. Women experience this stigma by just existing in our world, as assumptions are made about things like your sexual interests or promiscuity based on certain attributes, things that you share, or what you do. It absolutely makes me feel that the work is more important than ever because of these issues and it's very rewarding to edit and share these stories. 

B: Talking about how the work is more important than ever in this current cultural climate, what are your future plans for AURORE and just as a writer and small business owner?

C: I don't know *laughs*. When I first started AURORE, I had this dream plan of doing first the written, next audio, and then eventually visual. When? I don't know, but I can't imagine not doing this anymore. The next step I hope to take with AURORE is getting certified as a sex coach because I feel that it would be really helpful to have that background and knowledge to guide people through some of the more personal subjects we discuss in the writing groups. I really believe in the power of writing about intimate experiences, and I think that a coaching practice would be really healing.

B: That's an awesome idea. When you think of a soundscape of porn, or even if you were to think of AURORE having its own soundscape, what comes to mind?

C: Well, when you first started saying it, I immediately thought of some feminine moans, but moans that are not too performative or porny, like genuine, hearty moans and then I think kind of like twinkling, maybe bird sounds so it's like nature and sensuality, almost like an erotic massage. You know, those nature soundtracks they put on during massages? So that, but then you're having an orgasm on the massage table in a temperature controlled room with lovely scents *laughs*. Getting into all the senses now.

B: As we should!

You can learn more about Carly and AURORE at @readaurore and readaurore.com or get involved by joining the Slutty Writer’s Society, an intimate writing group that meets once a month to create and share freely.